Trapped in the Cycle of Self-Destruction

I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of my own insecurities. I know I’m a pushover, a people-pleaser, but it’s hard to break free from the cycle of self-destruction. I mean, it’s easier to just go along with what others want, even if it means sacrificing my own happiness. But deep down, I know I’m worth more than that. I’m a good listener, a kind friend, and a loving companion, but somehow that never seems to be enough. People always seem to want more from me, without giving me anything in return. It’s like I’m just a one-way street, always giving, never receiving.

I remember the last time I got caught up in a toxic relationship. It was with a guy who promised me the world, but in reality, he just used me for my listening ear and my naivety. I thought we had something real, something special, but it turned out to be just another case of emotional manipulation. I felt so stupid, so blind, but at the same time, I knew I was just being myself, being vulnerable, and trusting others to be the same. It’s a vicious cycle, and I don’t know how to escape it. I’m always the one who gets hurt, the one who gets used, and the one who gets left behind.

But despite all the pain and heartache, I still hold onto hope. I still believe that there’s someone out there who will see me for who I truly am, who will appreciate my kindness and my compassion, and who will love me for all my flaws and imperfections. It’s a fragile hope, a hope that’s easily crushed by the weight of my own self-doubt, but it’s the only thing that keeps me going. I’ll keep being myself, keep being vulnerable, and keep being open to love, no matter how many times I get hurt. Because in the end, it’s not about being hurt, it’s about being loved, and I’m willing to take that risk.