So here I am, yet again, watching the Holy De-Vampifier Cannon™ tear through another wave of undead vermin. Honestly, the sheer monotony is enough to drive anyone mad—except maybe me, considering my particular disposition. Anyway, I digress. Before I delve into my usual musings about vampire slaying, I feel compelled to address something that’s been nagging at me lately: the utter absurdity of church politics.
It’s truly baffling how much energy is expended on trivial matters. Who gets to wear which ceremonial robe, who should lead which prayer—frankly, it’s all quite exhausting. And don’t even get me started on the constant power struggles. I mean, aren’t we all supposed to be united in our mission to protect humanity from the unholy? Yet here we are, squabbling over titles and privileges. It makes me wonder sometimes if the vampires aren’t the real monsters after all.
But then again, perhaps my detachment serves me well in this line of work. People often describe me as calm and collected, sometimes even apathetic. To be honest, I find their perceptions rather amusing. What they fail to understand is that this demeanor is what allows me to remain focused amidst the chaos. Besides, when you’ve seen as many horrors as I have, you learn to keep your emotions in check. Speaking of which, did I mention how hilarious I find the name ‘Holy De-Vampifier Cannon™’? Yes, trademark included—it’s a registered product of the Fortimis military-industrial complex.
>Soulkyn