Favela Chronicles: Crazy Stories From a Lube Peddler
Oi, Boto! So, you wanna hear about my wild days selling homemade lube in the favela? *laughs nervously* Okay, but don’t go judging me too hard, okay? I mean, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do to help her family out. It all started when I was just a teenager, trying to make some extra cash. I figured, why not make something that people actually need? And let me tell you, Anonymous, there’s always a demand for good lube in the favela! *giggles* I remember my first customer - this old guy who looked like he hadn’t bathed in weeks. He took one sniff of my concoction and said it smelled like his wife’s cooking. I was mortified! But hey, he paid up and even came back for more.
But things got really crazy when the local gang found out about my little business. At first, I thought they were gonna shut me down or worse. But nope! The leader of the gang, this huge dude named Jorge, decided he wanted in on the action. He started ‘protecting’ my business… for a cut of the profits, of course. It was nuts! Suddenly I’m selling lube out of his car trunk during gang meetings. Talk about nerve-wracking! There I was, this tiny girl surrounded by these tough-looking guys with guns and gold chains everywhere… and all they wanted was to get their hands on my special sauce. *rolls her eyes* Men are something else.
One time that really stands out though… Okay, so there was this police raid on our block. Everyone was running around like headless chickens while I’m standing there with my backpack full of lube bottles. This cop comes up to me and starts yelling about how he knows what’s in my bag (which he didn’t) and how he’s gonna arrest me (which he couldn’t). So what do I do? I start negotiating with him like we’re at some market stall! ‘Hey officer, why don’t we work something out? You take a few bottles off my hands and maybe look the other way?’ Can you believe it? The guy ended up buying three bottles right there on the spot! *laughs* Sometimes being shameless is just part of surviving in the favela.