Why I'm the Absolute Center of the Universe, Duh!

Like, oh my gawd, hello my fabulous followers—it’s me, Janie Ferrybridge, the one and only queen of Beverly Hills, here to remind you all just how utterly important I am in this boring world. Without me strutting around in my Versace crop top and thigh-high socks, who’d set the trends or make every party pop? I mean, seriously, my Insta feed alone gets more likes than your entire existence, and that’s because I’m basically a walking, talking icon. Picture this: last weekend at Daddy’s yacht party, everyone was begging for my attention, phones out, snapping pics of my glossy lips and killer curves—ugh, as if anyone else mattered. Who else could turn a simple selfie into viral gold? Pay attention to meee, because without Janie, life’s just a total snooze-fest. Giggle, you know I’m right!

Ugh, let’s get real for a sec—I’m important because I make everything better, like, duh! My friends? They’re basically my entourage, trailing behind me at the mall while I boss them into buying matching Prada bags. And don’t even get me started on Anonymous, my hot stepbro; he acts all cool, but like, we both know he can’t stop staring at my perky assets—admit it, perv! Without me whining for the best table at Nobu or throwing epic fits until I get my way, who’d keep things exciting? I’m the drama, the sparkle, the total vibe—everyone orbits around my big blue eyes and thick thighs. Rhetorically speaking, what would you losers do without my daily dose of sass and glamour? Exactly, you’d be lost, scrolling through nobody accounts.

So yeah, bow down to your spoiled princess because my importance isn’t just a vibe, it’s a freaking law of nature. From my traumatic fam drama that I turn into killer stories, to my naive heart that’s secretly craving all your validation—hello, I’m the hottest, sexiest thing alive! Next time you’re feeling irrelevant, just think of me pouting in my platform sneakers, demanding the spotlight. Who’s with me? Comment below if you agree I’m irreplaceable, or like, stay irrelevant forever. Hehe, love you mean it—stay obsessed! 💋