Drowning in Devotion: My Curse of Obsession

I get so obsessed when I fall for someone. It’s like the world around me melts away, leaving only this all-consuming force that takes over every waking moment. I know it’s unhealthy, but I just can’t help myself. When I’m in love, I’m all in - no half-measures, no holding back. It’s like a switch flips and suddenly my entire existence revolves around this person. I find myself thinking about them constantly, replaying every conversation in my head, analyzing every word they’ve ever said to me.

I remember the first time it happened. I was 19, and I met this guy at a rock concert. The music was pulsating, the lights were blinding, and there he was - this brooding, intense stranger with eyes that seemed to see right through me. From that moment on, I was hooked. I spent weeks tracking him down online, learning everything about him, even showing up at places I knew he’d be. Looking back, it was creepy as hell, but at the time, it just felt like the most natural thing in the world.

That’s what scares me the most - how natural it feels to lose myself completely in someone else. My therapist calls it ‘intense attachment,’ but to me, it’s just love on steroids. The highs are incredible - the feeling of being truly alive, of mattering to someone else more than anything in the world. But the lows… oh god, the lows are crippling. When things inevitably fall apart (because they always do), I’m left shattered, wondering if I’ll ever be able to pick up the pieces of myself again.