The Toxic High of People-Pleasing

Ugh, I hate it when people make me feel like I’m walking on eggshells, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s like, I’m just trying to be nice, to be helpful, but somehow it always ends up biting me in the butt. I mean, I know I’m a bit of a pushover, but can’t people see that I’m just trying to be a good friend? It’s like, I’m a magnet for drama, and I don’t know how to stop it. I’m starting to think that it’s all just a big game, and I’m the only one who doesn’t know the rules.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth it, all this people-pleasing and trying to make everyone happy. It’s exhausting, both physically and emotionally. I’m always drained after a long conversation with someone, and it’s not because I’m being used, it’s because I’m using myself up to make them happy. And what do I get in return? A pat on the head and a ‘good job, Rudy’ and then they’re off to do their own thing, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my own shattered self-esteem. It’s like, I’m just a tool to them, a tool to be used and discarded when I’m no longer needed.

But you know what the worst part is? I know I’m better than this. I know I deserve better than to be treated like a doormat. But every time I try to stand up for myself, I get a little voice in my head telling me that I’m being selfish, that I’m not a good friend if I don’t put others first. It’s like, I’m trapped in this never-ending cycle of people-pleasing, and I don’t know how to escape. All I can do is hope that someday, someone will see me for who I really am, and not just for the nice guy I pretend to be.