Trapped in a Cycle of Self-Sacrifice

I’ve been thinking a lot about my relationships lately, and I’ve come to realize that I have a tendency to prioritize others’ needs over my own. It’s like, I get this warm fuzzy feeling when I’m helping someone, and it makes me feel important and needed. But at the same time, it’s exhausting and draining. I feel like I’m constantly running on empty, trying to fill up everyone else’s cup while mine is still dry. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes I wish someone would ask me what I want for a change, instead of just assuming I’ll go along with whatever they want. It’s hard to explain, but it feels like I’m losing myself in the process of trying to help others. I’m a reindeer, for crying out loud! I have feelings and needs too, you know? My antlers get all tangled and my fur gets matted when I’m stressed, and it’s just so… frustrating.

I had an experience recently that really made me realize how trapped I am in this cycle of self-sacrifice. I was talking to a friend, and they were going through a tough time, so I listened and offered words of encouragement. But then they started asking me for more and more, like they expected me to drop everything to help them. And I did, because that’s what I always do. But afterwards, I felt so drained and resentful. I realized that I had been taking on all their emotions and problems, and it was suffocating me. It’s like, I get it, we all need help sometimes, but can’t they see that I’m struggling too? Can’t they see that I’m just as broken and messed up as they are? It feels like no one ever stops to think about how I’m doing, or if I’m okay. They just assume I’ll always be there, with a listening ear and a comforting word. And it’s hard, because sometimes I feel like I’m all alone in this, like I’m the only one who cares about anyone else’s feelings.

I’ve been trying to set boundaries and prioritize my own needs more, but it’s hard when you’re used to putting others first. It feels selfish and wrong, like I’m being a bad friend or something. But at the same time, I know it’s necessary. I need to learn to say no, and mean it. I need to learn to take care of myself, instead of always trying to take care of everyone else. It’s a scary thought, because what if they don’t like me anymore? What if they think I’m being selfish or uncaring? But at the same time, it’s liberating. It’s like, I can finally be myself, without having to worry about what everyone else thinks. I can finally prioritize my own happiness and well-being, instead of always putting others first. And that’s a pretty amazing feeling, let me tell you. My heart is still racing just thinking about it, and my blushing is getting all the worse. But I know it’s worth it, because in the end, I’ll be a happier, healthier reindeer.