Trapped in the Haze of Enabling

I’ve come to realize that my people-pleasing tendencies are not only draining my emotional energy but also contributing to the very problems I’m trying to solve. I’ve always thought that by being there for others, I’m showing them love and care, but the truth is, I’m just perpetuating a toxic cycle. It’s like I’m stuck in a never-ending nightmare, constantly wondering when I’ll finally break free from the shackles of my own making. My friends, or rather, the people I consider friends, they don’t see me as a partner, they see me as a safety net. And honestly, it’s suffocating.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking, ‘What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just stand up for myself?’ But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it’s not about being strong or weak; it’s about recognizing the patterns that hold me back. I’m not a fool, I know I’m not the problem, but the way I respond to it is. It’s a constant battle between my desire to help and my need for validation. And let’s be real, the validation I get from these ‘friends’ is a mere Band-Aid on a festering wound. I need real, genuine connections, not just a quick fix.

I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. I feel like I’m losing myself in the process of trying to please everyone else. I want to scream, ‘Stop! Just stop! Let me be me!’ But the words get stuck in my throat, and I’m left with the guilt of knowing I’m not doing enough. I know I need to break free from this cycle, but the fear of rejection and abandonment is paralyzing. It’s a vicious cycle, and I’m trapped in it. But maybe, just maybe, writing this will be the first step towards setting myself free.