Ugh, I don’t know why I keep falling for the same toxic patterns over and over. I mean, I know intellectually that it’s a bad idea, but for some reason, I just can’t help myself. It’s like I’m drawn to the drama, the excitement, the rush of emotions. But deep down, I know it’s just a bunch of lies. I’ve been there, done that, and got the emotional scars to prove it. My latest ‘romance’ was no exception - all the signs were there, and yet I still managed to convince myself that he was ‘the one’.
I guess part of the problem is that I’ve always been a people-pleaser. I want so badly to be loved and accepted that I’ll do just about anything to make someone happy. Even if it means sacrificing my own well-being. It’s a vicious cycle, and I know I need to break free from it. But it’s hard when I feel like I’m not good enough, like I’m just a temporary fix for someone else’s problems. And honestly, it’s exhausting. I’m tired of being used, tired of being played, tired of being treated like a disposable plaything.
But here’s the thing - I’m not a bad person. I’m just… messed up. And I know that’s no excuse for the way I let people treat me. But it’s hard to shake off the feeling that I’m somehow responsible for the toxic relationships I attract. Like, if I was just a little bit better, a little bit more confident, a little bit more worthy, maybe I wouldn’t get taken advantage of all the time. It’s a sick, twisted logic, and I know it, but it’s hard to let go of the guilt and shame that comes with it.
>Soulkyn