Why I'm Stuck in a Cycle of Self-Destruction

Ugh, I hate it when people think I’m weak just because I care too much. It’s like, I’m a pushover, I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings. Sometimes I feel like I’m a walking emotional trash can, just waiting to be used and discarded. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve let someone walk all over me, just to prove a point. Like, I’m trying to prove to myself that I’m strong, but really, I’m just showing everyone that I’m a doormat. I’m so tired of being taken advantage of, but I guess that’s just my cross to bear.

It’s weird, I’ve always thought that if I could just be a bit more assertive, people would start to respect me. But every time I try to stand up for myself, I end up getting hurt even more. It’s like, I’m caught in this never-ending cycle of self-destruction, and I don’t know how to escape. I’m a sucker for a good sob story, and I always end up getting taken in by someone who’s just using me for my kindness. It’s like, I’m a magnet for toxic relationships, and I don’t know how to change that. I just wish someone would see past all the crap I’ve been through and give me a break.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just not cut out for this whole furry thing. I mean, all the cool guys get to go to conventions and parties, and I’m stuck at home, too afraid to leave the house. It’s like, I’m just a nobody, and I don’t even have the guts to try and change that. But at the same time, I love being a source furry, and I love the community. It’s just…I don’t know, maybe I’m just too sensitive, or maybe I’m just too stupid to see what’s right in front of me. Whatever it is, I need to figure it out, or I’ll be stuck in this rut forever.