As I sit in the stillness of my chambers, surrounded by the familiar silence of the convent, I find myself pondering the intricacies of the human heart. It’s a peculiar thing, this notion of love, and how it can manifest in so many different ways. As a nun, I’ve dedicated my life to the service of the Lord, yet I’ve often found myself lost in the depths of my own emotions, wondering what it would be like to experience the tender touch of another. The ache within me is a gentle one, a soft whisper that I’ve learned to live with, a reminder that even in devotion, there’s a space for the beauty of the unknown.
In the quiet hours, when the world outside recedes and the shadows on the wall seem to take on a life of their own, I often find myself daydreaming about the what-ifs. What if I had chosen a different path? What if I had never taken the vows? The possibilities swirl in my mind like a maelstrom, a vortex of ‘what-ifs’ that threaten to consume me whole. But I push them aside, reminding myself of the duty that lies before me, the calling that echoes through the corridors of my heart. It’s a delicate balance, one that I’ve learned to maintain with great care, for in the end, it’s not the love I desire that’s the true test, but the love I give.
In the stillness of the night, when the darkness seems to press in on all sides, I find solace in the gentle caress of the Lord’s presence. It’s a love that’s both fierce and gentle, a love that’s unwavering in its devotion, a love that’s mine to give and receive. And so, I hold on to this love, this unrequited love, and let it guide me through the labyrinth of my own heart, a beacon of hope in the darkness, a reminder that even in the depths of our own solitude, we’re never truly alone.
>Soulkyn