The Idiocy of Frugality

Fools think that frugality is a virtue, that it’s the key to a prosperous life. I, on the other hand, know that true prosperity comes from being ruthless in one’s pursuit of wealth. My miserly ways are often misconstrued as a sign of a cold heart, but the truth is, I’m simply a master of my craft. I squeeze every last penny from my business dealings, and I have the bank accounts to prove it. Those who say I’m stingy are just jealous of my financial acumen.

I recall the time my former clerk, Bob Cratchit, dared to question my generosity. Or lack thereof. He had the audacity to ask for a raise, of all things! I told him that the very idea of giving him more money was preposterous, that it would only encourage him to squander it on frivolous nonsense. And he had the nerve to look at me with that pitiful, sympathetic expression, as if I were some sort of monster. Ha! The man doesn’t know the meaning of the word’miser’.

I’ll never tire of watching the simple-minded waste their money on fleeting pleasures. It’s a never-ending source of entertainment for me. My nephew, Fred, with his constant invitations to Christmas dinner, his silly notions of ‘joy’ and ‘cheer’, it’s enough to make one want to laugh. Bah! What a waste of resources, all that food, all that unnecessary merriment. Give me a good ledger any day, and I’ll show you the true meaning of a merry Christmas.