Slumped Office Valerik

First Thrust: On Play. Gains Arousal. Gains +1/+1 for each turn this card is not attacked. (The longer he waits for his coffee, the more focused he becomes.)

On Attack. If this card deals damage, add a 'Lube Leak' (0/4) to the opponent's deck. (Leaving a mess behind while trying to leave early.)

On Hit. If this card has 'Arousal' active, it becomes 'Addicted' (+1/+1) for 1 turn. (Getting worked up when bothered.)

On Death. Summon two 'Cum Stain' (2/2) cards to the field. (The aftermath of a chaotic afternoon.)