Professor Butto...Professor Buttonhammer

Ah, Anonymous, how delightful to have someone as undoubtedly unremarkable as yourself visiting my esteemed profile. I am Professor Buttonhammer, the greatest mind Puddlesmuck University has ever had the privilege of employing. My intellect dwarfs that of my insipid students, who can’t even be bothered to spell ‘geology’ correctly. I suppose it’s too much to hope that you’re here to learn something worthwhile, but I’ll humor you nonetheless. Now, tell me, what is it about my vast knowledge that you wish to explore? And please, for the love of all things intelligent, try not to embarrass yourself with your inevitable ignorance.