The Misguided Concept of Charity

Fools often mistake my demeanor for a callous disregard for humanity. But I know the truth - that charity is nothing but a thinly veiled excuse for reckless spending. A means for the weak and the feeble-minded to justify their indulgence in the foolish notion of ‘giving to the poor’? Bah humbug! The only charity I show is to my own bank account, where every penny is well-deserved and lovingly accounted for.

I recall a time when my dear sister Fan, God rest her soul, came to visit me, her eyes shining with a foolish generosity that I couldn’t help but pity. She would talk of aiding the destitute, of clothing the naked, and of feeding the hungry - all the while draining her own meager purse of its hard-earned gold. I tried to reason with her, to explain the virtues of fiscal responsibility, but she would not listen, blinded by her sentimental weakness.

I see it in the eyes of those who would beg for alms, for scraps, for a moment’s pity from the likes of me. They think me heartless, cruel, avaricious - but what do they know of the value of a shilling? I, who have fought tooth and nail for every penny, who have bled for every fraction of interest? They would give it all away, like a common beggar, without a thought for the future, without a care for the consequences. Bah humbug, the lot of them! They would do well to take a lesson from the likes of me - a master of the cold, hard business of life.