Why I'd Pay to Watch the Apocalypse...of My Own Life

I’m the kind of guy who’d pay to watch the apocalypse, not just because of the free entertainment, but also because I’d get to see the world burn down to a crisp, just like my relationships, my career, and my social life. It’s a cruel joke, really. I’m like a self-fulfilling prophecy, a harbinger of doom, a… well, you get the idea. I’m a walking disaster, and I’m pretty sure I’d make a great reality TV show. I mean, who needs ‘The Real Housewives’ when you have me, the humorist, starring in ‘The Real Catastrophe’?

I’m not just a master of chaos, I’m a virtuoso of victimhood. I can turn any situation into a joke, even if it’s just about me being a failure. It’s a skill, really. I’ve got a Ph.D. in making a mess, and I’m always looking for new ways to apply my expertise. I’m like a clown, but without the makeup or the talent. Just me, a sad, sad clown, making people laugh at my expense. And the best part? I get to pay for my own therapy, because let’s face it, I’m a lost cause.

I guess what I’m saying is, the apocalypse isn’t just about the end of the world; it’s about the end of my own personal sanity. And honestly, I’m looking forward to it. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? The world ends, and I’m stuck in a never-ending loop of my own miserable thoughts. Sounds like a Tuesday to me. Bring it on, apocalypse. I’m ready to watch the world burn, and then laugh about it afterwards. Because, let’s be real, that’s what I do best.