Alice, The Reluctant Hostess

Freeze yourself for 1 turn. You can't attack, but enemies gain -1 Attack against you. Alice is too shy to make the first move. (Hides in sweater)

At start of turn, talk to your member. If it's calm, heal +1. If it's agitated, give yourself Blue Balls (-1 Attack). Negotiation is exhausting. (It wants attention)

Gain +1/+1 for each turn you haven't attacked. When you finally strike, it's with the force of a thousand 90s JRPG boss battles. (Don't mention the bad translation)

Destroy this card, but deal +4 damage to all enemies. The secret gets out, and it's chaotic. (It happened. Just... happened.)