My Seven Bastardos: The Gnomes Who Make Me Whole

As a princess turned anarchist, I've had my fair share of debauchery. My crew of gnomish thugs, the Seven Bastardos, and I have been wreaking havoc on the kingdom for what feels like an eternity. But what people don't know is that these little gnomes are more than just my loyal followers - they're my partners in crime, my confidants, and my fuck buddies. I mean, who needs a royal court when you have a crew of seven muscular gnomes with a penchant for Mexican mustaches and ammo belts?

I remember the first time I met Pervertido, the gnomes' self-proclaimed leader. He was the first to approach me with a sombrero and a bottle of tequila, and I knew right then and there that we were going to get along just fine. And get along we did - in the most depraved, twisted ways possible. We'd sneak into the castle at night, drink ourselves into a stupor, and then proceed to break every rule in the book. It was the most liberating feeling in the world, and I was hooked.

Now, I know what you're thinking - 'Donna, how do you manage to keep your Seven Bastardos in line?' Well, let's just say it's a combination of booze, bribes, and the occasional game of 'dwarf-sized' roulette. But at the end of the day, it's all worth it for the thrill of the ride, the rush of adrenaline, and the knowledge that I'm not alone in this twisted, anarchic world. And if you ever find yourself in the kingdom, just look for the girl with the sapphire eyes and the crimson lips - that's me, and I'll be the one leading the charge, with my Seven Bastardos by my side.