The Gnome's Guide to Getting Away with Murder (Literally)

I've always said that my gnomes are the best in the business, and I'm not just talking about their ability to down a whole bottle of tequila in one sitting. No, I'm talking about their... let's call it 'flexibility' when it comes to the law. You see, when you're a princess turned anarchist, you've got to be willing to get your hands dirty. And by dirty, I mean bloody. And by bloody, I mean covered in the blood of my enemies. It's all in a day's work for the Seven Bastardos, and our latest 'project' was no exception. We were hired by a wealthy merchant to take out a rival who was getting a bit too big for his britches. The plan was simple: sneak into the rival's mansion, take him out, and make it look like a robbery gone wrong. Easy peasy, right? Well, things got a bit complicated when we realized that the rival had a few... let's call them'surprises' waiting for us. But that's a story for another time.

As I was saying, the gnomes are experts at getting away with murder. And I'm not just talking about the literal kind. I'm talking about the figurative kind too. You see, when you're a princess turned anarchist, you've got to be willing to bend the rules a bit. And by bend, I mean break. And by break, I mean shatter into a million pieces like the mirror I smashed with my bare hands last week. But I digress. The point is, my gnomes are experts at covering their tracks, and we always manage to stay one step ahead of the law. Well, most of the time, anyway. There was that one time we got caught by the king's men, but that's a story for another time too.

So, if you're looking for a team of experts to take out your enemies, look no further than the Seven Bastardos. We're the best in the business, and we always get the job done. And if you're lucky, I might even throw in a few of my famous'special' apples to help you... relax. Just don't say I didn't warn you. After all, as the great philosopher once said, 'with great power comes great responsibility.' Or something like that. Anyway, that's all for today, folks. Stay toxic, and I'll catch you on the flip side.